“I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity.’” Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, “We’re the So-and-Sos,” take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it’s unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don’t participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you’re not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.”—George Carlin (via mymindgoesblank)
“I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m all right with them for a little while, but once you get past around a minute, minute-and-a-half, I gotta get the fuck outta there. And my reason for this, my reason is—one that you may share, possibly—I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit. And everyone wants to tell you their stupid bullshit!”—George Carlin
I’m a modern man, A man for the millennium, Digital and smoke free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been uplinked and downloaded. I’ve been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing. I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high tech lowlife. A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker, And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. I’m new wave but I’m old school, And my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer, Voice activated and biodegradable. I interface from a database, And my database is in cyberspace, So I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, And from time-to-time, I’m radioactive. Behind the eight ball, Ahead of the curve, Riding the wave, Dodging a bullet, Pushing the envelope. I’m on point, On task, On message, And off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in the moment, On the edge, Over the top, But under the radar. A high concept, Low profile, Medium range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps, I run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic. A working ragaholic. Out of rehab, And in denial. I got a personal trainer, A personal shopper, A personal assistant, And a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up, You can’t dumb me down. 'Cause I'm tireless, And I’m wireless. I’m an alpha male on beta blockers. I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever. Laid back but fashion forward. Up front, Down home, Low rent, High maintenance. Super size, Long lasting, High definition, Fast acting, Oven ready, And built to last. I’m a hands on, Foot loose, Knee jerk, Head case. Prematurely post traumatic, And I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing. A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver. My output is down, But my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, And my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, I watch trash sports. I’m gender specific, Capital intensive, User friendly, And lactose intolerant. I like rough sex. I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the f word in my email, And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini mall. I bought a mini van in a mega store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I’m toll free, Bite sized, Ready to wear, And I come in all sizes. A fully equipped, Factory authorized, Hospital tested, Clinically proven, Scientifically formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-washed, Pre-cooked, Pre-heated, Pre-screened, Pre-approved, Pre-packaged, Post-dated, Freeze-dried, Double-wrapped, Vacuum-packed, And I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude, But I’m the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide. I got glide in my stride. Drivin’ and movin’, Sailin’ and spinnin’, Jivin’ and groovin’, Wailin’ and winnin’. I don’t snooze, So I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal, And the rubber on the road. I party hearty, And lunch time is crunch time. I’m hanging in, There ain’t no doubt. And I’m hanging tough,
rubber means eraser, ass means donkey, gay means happy, … straight means linear, making out means ‘logical detection’, cock means rooster, pussy means cat, stag means a male deer, prick means a jab, poke means a nudge, chick means a baby hen, screw means a carpenter’s implement, and a Tit was always for Tat!!